I know that, it would happen, I just was blinded by love and at that my first love. Azooz, and I are not broken up, we are currently taking time apart from each other to step back and see what we can do to better our relationship. But, no girl that is in love wants to hear the words "I think we need to take a break!" When those words exited Azooz's mouth, my heart dropped and all I could feel was what felt like I had been punched in the stomach, not a very pleasant feeling.
Although, through all the tears I have cried and countless nights of not sleeping, I feel a little better. Today, I actually went and talked to him about it, because this being my first relationship I needed some clarification on what a "break" was for us. Did it mean we could see other people? NOPE! Did it mean we weren't going to talk at all? Less than normal! Did it mean he wanted to end it and this was his way of doing it? NOT YET!
I thought our talk went pretty well, when I wasn't sobbing and trying to catch my breath. Azooz, has a big heart and I know that it kills him as much as it kills me to be apart from each other. I know that when I talked to him and he looked at me, you could tell that he wanted to be with me, he just needed his time. We are very much in love with each other and regardless if were on a break or not, he will always be a part of my life. I miss him, I do and with the advice from every living friend I have ever had, I feel that I am going to be OK. Regardless I know that if we continue to be together I will be fine, and if we choose to go our separate ways I know that I will be fine and it will only have helped me to see what I actually want in a mate one day!
Azooz is from Saudi Arabia, so as you can imagine he is not a believer! NOPE, he is a Muslim and although he doesn't practice, he does follow many of the rules, such as not eating pork, and partaking in fasting events. I have conformed to many of these things due to the fact that we are together much of the time. So, Molly consumes near to no pork! Just a heads up! What I'm getting at is, I have become infatuated with the Middle East culture. It is so rich in its history, and I am really intrigued by the customs that both the men and women follow, many are strictly enforced others not so much, but it's so fascinating to me. I've picked up on some Arabic speaking as well, and writing (my name and a couple basic words)! Point being, since being with Azooz, I have found that there are many many more things out there than the deep south boy (no offense to those good ole' southern boys) it's just not for me. I find Azooz the most attractive man not just based on his looks, but also based on his heritage and history and culture.
Not saying that I'm going to jump right into being a Muslim woman, not the case. I am just very interested in learning more and more about the culture. I hope that one day I will get to walk the lands of the Middle East, get to explore what it's like to live behind a veil and understand the culture more than I do know. Thanks to Azooz , he has opened my eyes to a whole new world outside of the one I have only known for the past 21 years!
So, I can say that I have experienced the pain of what it feels like to have a broken heart and to have fallen in love and still be in loved. But in time, it will work out or it wont and regardless I will be OK.
