A Screaming Heart, but No words to Describe

Alright, well I'm sure that your wondering what the title is about. Let me explain - it may take a while.
For the past 7 years I have suffered from an illness that at times controls my life. There are days in my life that I have trouble getting out of bed and then I have other days where I have so much energy, that putting a sentence together is a hard task for me. If you haven't put two and two together, I have Bipolar Disorder- Type 1.
If your not sure what Type 1 bipolar disorder is let me explain. It is a sever mood disorder that makes me have more depressed moments than it does high energetic moments. Although, I do get a nice mixture of both at times, I am the person who more so suffers from the blue's.
Recently, I have been 'swinging' (that's going from HIGH to low in a matter of hours or even a day) many times they can last for just a day or they can last for weeks. Currently, my swing has gone on for about a week, and my body is mentally, physically, emotionally, spirtually EXHAUSTED! There are no words to describe how tiring it is to figure out what your body is telling you to do, what it is trying to do or what it is NOT doing for you.
I have been on countless medications, and with the help of wonderful doctors I have found a medication that helps me beyond belief (rather than having swings all the time, I have then every once in a while).
The biggest lesson that I have learned through my entire illness, is that medication DOES NOT make you better. I wish it did, but it dosent and it wont. It takes a lot of energy and time/work on your end to get better, and I will NEVER be better. Yes, I will have better days, but there is no such thing in my life as illness free.
So the title is, just me searching and searching and not finding what is going to make me feel better. I have looked in all the wrong places in this life for things that will make me better or yet feel better. I have filled the classic stigma as a person with bipolar disorder, and I regret that behavior , but it has shaped me and helped me get to where I am today.
My current feeling is, I'm in a crowded room and feel like no one is around me. A feeling that I wish I never have to feel, but we all have our valleys to walk through and this is mine.
Since, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about what's going on, this blog has become my best friend who understands every single aspect of what bipolar is adn how it effects someone.
Please pray for me and that the Lord will carry me through this valley, that as school starts next Monday that I will be well rested and prepared for the semester ahead and that my journey is pleasing to the Lord.

The Rolling Thunder

I love thunderstorms!!! I love everything about them, the way the wind blows at a slightly different angle than normal, the way the rain falls on the roof, the freshest smell that follows , how the grass brightens to an almost lime green, the clapping of thunder (God is bowling), and my most favorite of all is being sheltered from it all on the front porch rocking myself away enjoying Earths bath-time.

It's hard to believe that in just a week in a half, classes start back up! Where has this summer gone? It seems that as I get older, the summers seem to just slip away from me and before you know it you have to pay the lovely tuition bill and start getting up for those wonderful 8AM classes that you registered for back in March, not really thinking about how hard it would be come August. Regardless, I'm looking forward to getting back into a daily schedule of going to school, working, and then somehow allowing time for me to actually have a social life.

Lets hope that I can manage everything this semester and still finish with a good GPA.