The Cost of a Relationship

Well, I never thought that I would have this feeling, but I do. I never thought that when you fell in love with someone that they were suppose to hold your heart and never drop it. Well, it happened. My heart is broken, shattered on the floor as if it didn't mean anything to him.

I know that, it would happen, I just was blinded by love and at that my first love. Azooz, and I are not broken up, we are currently taking time apart from each other to step back and see what we can do to better our relationship. But, no girl that is in love wants to hear the words "I think we need to take a break!" When those words exited Azooz's mouth, my heart dropped and all I could feel was what felt like I had been punched in the stomach, not a very pleasant feeling.

Although, through all the tears I have cried and countless nights of not sleeping, I feel a little better. Today, I actually went and talked to him about it, because this being my first relationship I needed some clarification on what a "break" was for us. Did it mean we could see other people? NOPE! Did it mean we weren't going to talk at all? Less than normal! Did it mean he wanted to end it and this was his way of doing it? NOT YET!

I thought our talk went pretty well, when I wasn't sobbing and trying to catch my breath. Azooz, has a big heart and I know that it kills him as much as it kills me to be apart from each other. I know that when I talked to him and he looked at me, you could tell that he wanted to be with me, he just needed his time. We are very much in love with each other and regardless if were on a break or not, he will always be a part of my life. I miss him, I do and with the advice from every living friend I have ever had, I feel that I am going to be OK. Regardless I know that if we continue to be together I will be fine, and if we choose to go our separate ways I know that I will be fine and it will only have helped me to see what I actually want in a mate one day!

Azooz is from Saudi Arabia, so as you can imagine he is not a believer! NOPE, he is a Muslim and although he doesn't practice, he does follow many of the rules, such as not eating pork, and partaking in fasting events. I have conformed to many of these things due to the fact that we are together much of the time. So, Molly consumes near to no pork! Just a heads up! What I'm getting at is, I have become infatuated with the Middle East culture. It is so rich in its history, and I am really intrigued by the customs that both the men and women follow, many are strictly enforced others not so much, but it's so fascinating to me. I've picked up on some Arabic speaking as well, and writing (my name and a couple basic words)! Point being, since being with Azooz, I have found that there are many many more things out there than the deep south boy (no offense to those good ole' southern boys) it's just not for me. I find Azooz the most attractive man not just based on his looks, but also based on his heritage and history and culture.

Not saying that I'm going to jump right into being a Muslim woman, not the case. I am just very interested in learning more and more about the culture. I hope that one day I will get to walk the lands of the Middle East, get to explore what it's like to live behind a veil and understand the culture more than I do know. Thanks to Azooz , he has opened my eyes to a whole new world outside of the one I have only known for the past 21 years!

So, I can say that I have experienced the pain of what it feels like to have a broken heart and to have fallen in love and still be in loved. But in time, it will work out or it wont and regardless I will be OK.

The Journey

New Years 2010 and the stories that followed!!!

( Callie, Laura, Josh, Jason, Azooz, Me)

Happy 2010 Everyone!!! I hope you all had a wonderful and safe new year's !!! It's hard to believe that a decade has already passed.....it dosent seem real that 10 years can fly by that fast!! I guess we are wrong, because in a blink of an eye another 10 will be passing us by. It makes you stop and appreciate everything and everyone around you.

I had the most amazing time this year saying farewell to 2009 and hello to 2010!!! A group of us, mostly from work went to Biloxi and stayed the night at the IP Casino!!! Let's just say that it was amazing. So many fun things happened that night, we all got the chance to go and see a rapper named Flo Rida and got escorted to the VIP section, with our own waitress and bar, when midnight hit we got served champagine.....it was a really cool ending to our night. But along the way to getting to that point, we got all dressed up, partied like rock-stars and gambled like we had millions, and we can't forget that we drank maybe just a little too much.

(Jason, Me, Callie)

(Callie, Laura, Me)


(Me and my boyfriend, Azooz)

It will be for sure a night to never forget and one that I can always laugh about because it was so much fun!!!!

Enjoy 2010!!!!

A Day Filled With Serving , Gifts and Christs Birth!

( Alex, Me & Nate)

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I hope it was filled with lot's of laughter, love and wonderful memories to be shared for years to come. I know that mine was. The Vosicky Family together in entirety this year, started our Christmas morning off early at 6AM to go to the Waterfront Rescue Mission to deliver meals to those in Mobile that don't have the means to provide a hot meal for themselves and their family on Christmas Day. We have done it for the past 3 years now and each year it starts the morning off just how it should be, serving others before going home and serving yourself. You come home and actually appreciate a warm home, a hot meal and the nice things that you get to open. Each year every single one of us have been humbled by one person we drought meals off to and it will always put a smile on my face to think of how we might have effected that persons life with just us delivering a hot meal to them, and smiling while saying "Have a wonderful Christmas!" It's a very humbling experience, I advice everyone to volunteer for you, because you won't regret it.
We then heading home and ventured into opening the presents. Although for the first time ever, we had a Christmas that was practical. We all got things that we needed or items that were going to be used in a daily basis. All in all I feel very blessed this holiday season. I have seen a love of an entire family come together and laugh more than I have ever seen, I have been around my family for longer than I expected without getting mad or upset and I have come to appreciate growing up and how my parents raised my brothers and I.
It sometimes takes sitting around a table with your entire family to see that. To see that every single person in my family loves me, will support me regardless of my choices in life, and will always be there for me. That's the most amazing gift of all.

So, as we exit this holiday season I hope that everyone found that gift that was not found under the Christmas tree. Of course, the ultimate gift was born in a manger in a small town, where the world didn't' even know that the King of the world was to be born.

Enjoy the remaining days of 2009 (as hard as that is to believe it's almost over) and be safe as you enter 2010!!!

Maybe He's Out There

Lately, I have been bummed out about the entire dating thing. I know, I'm 21 and shouldnt be stressed over something like this. But, I am, because I'm a girl and that's what we do...we stress about the little stuff.

It hasent been until recently that I have gotten attention from guys and that of course has been a new experience for me. But, I wonder sometimes and feel sorry for myself most of the time, "is there a man out there for me?" Has the Lord actually perfectly paired us together? Have I already met this person and I don't know? How old will I be before the Lord allows this man and I to be united as one?

I wonder, if there is a man out there for me, what will he be like. Will he be loving and tenderhearted? Will he be able to handle the things in my life that I sometimes can't handle? Is he the kind of man that walks away when he is mad or is he the kind of man that clenches his fists and try's not to hit things? What are going to be little things that he does for me, that will make me fall in love with him more and more each day? Will be he a father that is so in love with his children that they become his world?

All these things run through my head about once every couple months, and I think its because I see all my best friends with their boyfriends and see them in love and how they are treated and loved on. I WANT THAT! Of course, I can't deny that I have wanted it and desire it for all the wrong reasons, but that just comes along with being immature and young. God nows that I have turned to guys for the wrong reasons and in that you get hurt and you have to learn from it.

I just wish that one day I will get to be one of those girls that beams when she talks about her boyfriend/husband, that when she see's him she falls in love all over again, that he wants to show her off in front of people regardles of what she is wearing, and will always love me. A man that can love me regardless of what kind of mood I am, that can make me laugh every single day, kisses me when we wake up and when we go to bed, is a hopeless romantic and when he looks at me he falls back in love with me.

I just have to keep telling myself that this is the Lords timing and NOT mine. I might be 30 before I find that perfect someone for me, and I might be 23 before I even start dating. There is no telling, all I have to be sure of is that my heart is in the right place before that 'guy' can be in my life.

21 is so Sweet!!!!!

Here is some pictures of my 21st Birthday, which was on November 6!! The family went to dinner and then some friends went to Hard Rock Casino in Biloxi!!!!


I Love my little brother - even though he's bigger than I, he will always be my little brother!!The older I get, the more and more I start to look like Kim aka. Mommy!!!

The group @ the RISE bar at the top of the Hard Rock :-)

Laura, Callie, ME and Meghan !!!!!!!!! I love these ladies, they made my birthday so special! My friend Azooz and I - he spoiled me on my birthday with very nice gifts!
Yes, I passed out on the car ride back to Mobile...and somehow someone got a hold of my camera and decided to take a few shots!!!!!

Over all my 21st birthday was wonderful and I couldn't have asked for a better evening with my family and friends!

A Screaming Heart, but No words to Describe

Alright, well I'm sure that your wondering what the title is about. Let me explain - it may take a while.
For the past 7 years I have suffered from an illness that at times controls my life. There are days in my life that I have trouble getting out of bed and then I have other days where I have so much energy, that putting a sentence together is a hard task for me. If you haven't put two and two together, I have Bipolar Disorder- Type 1.
If your not sure what Type 1 bipolar disorder is let me explain. It is a sever mood disorder that makes me have more depressed moments than it does high energetic moments. Although, I do get a nice mixture of both at times, I am the person who more so suffers from the blue's.
Recently, I have been 'swinging' (that's going from HIGH to low in a matter of hours or even a day) many times they can last for just a day or they can last for weeks. Currently, my swing has gone on for about a week, and my body is mentally, physically, emotionally, spirtually EXHAUSTED! There are no words to describe how tiring it is to figure out what your body is telling you to do, what it is trying to do or what it is NOT doing for you.
I have been on countless medications, and with the help of wonderful doctors I have found a medication that helps me beyond belief (rather than having swings all the time, I have then every once in a while).
The biggest lesson that I have learned through my entire illness, is that medication DOES NOT make you better. I wish it did, but it dosent and it wont. It takes a lot of energy and time/work on your end to get better, and I will NEVER be better. Yes, I will have better days, but there is no such thing in my life as illness free.
So the title is, just me searching and searching and not finding what is going to make me feel better. I have looked in all the wrong places in this life for things that will make me better or yet feel better. I have filled the classic stigma as a person with bipolar disorder, and I regret that behavior , but it has shaped me and helped me get to where I am today.
My current feeling is, I'm in a crowded room and feel like no one is around me. A feeling that I wish I never have to feel, but we all have our valleys to walk through and this is mine.
Since, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about what's going on, this blog has become my best friend who understands every single aspect of what bipolar is adn how it effects someone.
Please pray for me and that the Lord will carry me through this valley, that as school starts next Monday that I will be well rested and prepared for the semester ahead and that my journey is pleasing to the Lord.