A Day Filled With Serving , Gifts and Christs Birth!

( Alex, Me & Nate)

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I hope it was filled with lot's of laughter, love and wonderful memories to be shared for years to come. I know that mine was. The Vosicky Family together in entirety this year, started our Christmas morning off early at 6AM to go to the Waterfront Rescue Mission to deliver meals to those in Mobile that don't have the means to provide a hot meal for themselves and their family on Christmas Day. We have done it for the past 3 years now and each year it starts the morning off just how it should be, serving others before going home and serving yourself. You come home and actually appreciate a warm home, a hot meal and the nice things that you get to open. Each year every single one of us have been humbled by one person we drought meals off to and it will always put a smile on my face to think of how we might have effected that persons life with just us delivering a hot meal to them, and smiling while saying "Have a wonderful Christmas!" It's a very humbling experience, I advice everyone to volunteer for you, because you won't regret it.
We then heading home and ventured into opening the presents. Although for the first time ever, we had a Christmas that was practical. We all got things that we needed or items that were going to be used in a daily basis. All in all I feel very blessed this holiday season. I have seen a love of an entire family come together and laugh more than I have ever seen, I have been around my family for longer than I expected without getting mad or upset and I have come to appreciate growing up and how my parents raised my brothers and I.
It sometimes takes sitting around a table with your entire family to see that. To see that every single person in my family loves me, will support me regardless of my choices in life, and will always be there for me. That's the most amazing gift of all.

So, as we exit this holiday season I hope that everyone found that gift that was not found under the Christmas tree. Of course, the ultimate gift was born in a manger in a small town, where the world didn't' even know that the King of the world was to be born.

Enjoy the remaining days of 2009 (as hard as that is to believe it's almost over) and be safe as you enter 2010!!!

Maybe He's Out There

Lately, I have been bummed out about the entire dating thing. I know, I'm 21 and shouldnt be stressed over something like this. But, I am, because I'm a girl and that's what we do...we stress about the little stuff.

It hasent been until recently that I have gotten attention from guys and that of course has been a new experience for me. But, I wonder sometimes and feel sorry for myself most of the time, "is there a man out there for me?" Has the Lord actually perfectly paired us together? Have I already met this person and I don't know? How old will I be before the Lord allows this man and I to be united as one?

I wonder, if there is a man out there for me, what will he be like. Will he be loving and tenderhearted? Will he be able to handle the things in my life that I sometimes can't handle? Is he the kind of man that walks away when he is mad or is he the kind of man that clenches his fists and try's not to hit things? What are going to be little things that he does for me, that will make me fall in love with him more and more each day? Will be he a father that is so in love with his children that they become his world?

All these things run through my head about once every couple months, and I think its because I see all my best friends with their boyfriends and see them in love and how they are treated and loved on. I WANT THAT! Of course, I can't deny that I have wanted it and desire it for all the wrong reasons, but that just comes along with being immature and young. God nows that I have turned to guys for the wrong reasons and in that you get hurt and you have to learn from it.

I just wish that one day I will get to be one of those girls that beams when she talks about her boyfriend/husband, that when she see's him she falls in love all over again, that he wants to show her off in front of people regardles of what she is wearing, and will always love me. A man that can love me regardless of what kind of mood I am, that can make me laugh every single day, kisses me when we wake up and when we go to bed, is a hopeless romantic and when he looks at me he falls back in love with me.

I just have to keep telling myself that this is the Lords timing and NOT mine. I might be 30 before I find that perfect someone for me, and I might be 23 before I even start dating. There is no telling, all I have to be sure of is that my heart is in the right place before that 'guy' can be in my life.

21 is so Sweet!!!!!

Here is some pictures of my 21st Birthday, which was on November 6!! The family went to dinner and then some friends went to Hard Rock Casino in Biloxi!!!!


I Love my little brother - even though he's bigger than I, he will always be my little brother!!The older I get, the more and more I start to look like Kim aka. Mommy!!!

The group @ the RISE bar at the top of the Hard Rock :-)

Laura, Callie, ME and Meghan !!!!!!!!! I love these ladies, they made my birthday so special! My friend Azooz and I - he spoiled me on my birthday with very nice gifts!
Yes, I passed out on the car ride back to Mobile...and somehow someone got a hold of my camera and decided to take a few shots!!!!!

Over all my 21st birthday was wonderful and I couldn't have asked for a better evening with my family and friends!

A Screaming Heart, but No words to Describe

Alright, well I'm sure that your wondering what the title is about. Let me explain - it may take a while.
For the past 7 years I have suffered from an illness that at times controls my life. There are days in my life that I have trouble getting out of bed and then I have other days where I have so much energy, that putting a sentence together is a hard task for me. If you haven't put two and two together, I have Bipolar Disorder- Type 1.
If your not sure what Type 1 bipolar disorder is let me explain. It is a sever mood disorder that makes me have more depressed moments than it does high energetic moments. Although, I do get a nice mixture of both at times, I am the person who more so suffers from the blue's.
Recently, I have been 'swinging' (that's going from HIGH to low in a matter of hours or even a day) many times they can last for just a day or they can last for weeks. Currently, my swing has gone on for about a week, and my body is mentally, physically, emotionally, spirtually EXHAUSTED! There are no words to describe how tiring it is to figure out what your body is telling you to do, what it is trying to do or what it is NOT doing for you.
I have been on countless medications, and with the help of wonderful doctors I have found a medication that helps me beyond belief (rather than having swings all the time, I have then every once in a while).
The biggest lesson that I have learned through my entire illness, is that medication DOES NOT make you better. I wish it did, but it dosent and it wont. It takes a lot of energy and time/work on your end to get better, and I will NEVER be better. Yes, I will have better days, but there is no such thing in my life as illness free.
So the title is, just me searching and searching and not finding what is going to make me feel better. I have looked in all the wrong places in this life for things that will make me better or yet feel better. I have filled the classic stigma as a person with bipolar disorder, and I regret that behavior , but it has shaped me and helped me get to where I am today.
My current feeling is, I'm in a crowded room and feel like no one is around me. A feeling that I wish I never have to feel, but we all have our valleys to walk through and this is mine.
Since, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about what's going on, this blog has become my best friend who understands every single aspect of what bipolar is adn how it effects someone.
Please pray for me and that the Lord will carry me through this valley, that as school starts next Monday that I will be well rested and prepared for the semester ahead and that my journey is pleasing to the Lord.

The Rolling Thunder

I love thunderstorms!!! I love everything about them, the way the wind blows at a slightly different angle than normal, the way the rain falls on the roof, the freshest smell that follows , how the grass brightens to an almost lime green, the clapping of thunder (God is bowling), and my most favorite of all is being sheltered from it all on the front porch rocking myself away enjoying Earths bath-time.

It's hard to believe that in just a week in a half, classes start back up! Where has this summer gone? It seems that as I get older, the summers seem to just slip away from me and before you know it you have to pay the lovely tuition bill and start getting up for those wonderful 8AM classes that you registered for back in March, not really thinking about how hard it would be come August. Regardless, I'm looking forward to getting back into a daily schedule of going to school, working, and then somehow allowing time for me to actually have a social life.

Lets hope that I can manage everything this semester and still finish with a good GPA.

Did that really just happen?!

Alright, as we all know....the King of Pop (Michael Jackson) has died! If you haven't heard that, you either have been dead for the past 10 days or living under a rock.

But, what I'm more disgusted about more than anything is the stupid memorial service that was held in the Staples Center. OK, I understand that he was a talented, aw inspiring Musial, but really! 17,000 people!

I didn't think that it would be aired on 9....yes 9! stations. How stupid?! I was pretty embarrassed to say the least that I was an American, because we made a bigger deal about Michael Jackson dieing than we do about most presidents( somethings wrong there).

But, what made the entire thing worse, was when his daughter Paris Michael Jackson (a little vein of a name, don't you think) spoke at the end of the service. To me it was disgusting that the entire family stood there and watched this young girl talk in front of thousands of people and millions world wide, expressing how sad she was about losing her daddy. That of course is not fair, but what made me mad was, why didn't they have a private memorial? Why did they need to air it around the entire world?

I could go on and on about this entire thing, but I wont. And the next statement, please don't be offended by it, but that memorial service wouldn't have been aired if there was a black president in office. Yep, I said it, you know for a fact that if George W, was in office he wouldn't have sent his condolences to the family and he for sure wouldn't have put a public statement out there. But oh, Mr. Obama sure did (because he is less of a leader and more so a celebrity)! That makes me feel real safe. That while we are at war, where children are being kidnapped and murdered in our back yards, all the news could play was coverage of this person's death (which to tell ya the truth, NO ONE CARES)...yes, it's sad, but it's life....it's called the circle of life!

So, there is my rant for the day.

Everyone enjoy the July heat and try to stay cool :-)

Daddy!

Happy Fathers Day!!!

I'm lucky to say that I have an amazing dad that has shown me so much in this short life of mine. I have seen what a true Godly man is, and what he should be like (lead by example), I have seen how a woman should be treated (thanks to Joe) and I have seen how a man should treat his daughter (like a Princess!) I have never been a Daddy's girl, but I will sure tell you that my dad is the man that when his daughter worries he worries, when she crys his heart breaks and when she laughs he is right there along side you laughing.

The present I bought dad this year was a nice wooden frame----and placed the wonderful picture of the both of us in it, so he could put it in his office at work because the one he has of me is horrific!!!!!!!!

I love my daddy, and can't thank him enough for what he has done and continues to do for me .

Sad Day at the Vosicky Household

Last night the family had to make the painful decision to put our dog Goatee "pooty-poo" down. For the past 14 years, you could always count on Goatee to greet you at the door when you came in, him barking at this own reflection in the door, and his love for only drinking water from his bowl if it were fresh with ice cubs!!!!!!! He will be missed, that's for sure. 

The story behind the reason why we had to put him down was because he was literally suffocating. All in all, he either had a heart attack or had cancer and his body was shutting down. It was so hard for him to breath and it was just so painful to watch him suffering. Dad took him to the vet and she just told him the best option was to put him down and so Mom and I cried out way up there to say good-bye to our faithful partner. Mom left because she couldn't be there with him when he got the shot that put him to sleep. I stayed and held him. He was my buddy and there was no doubt in my mind that he was going to go out alone on some hard, cold exam table. 

Its never easy to lose a part of you family, and this was no exemption. It may take time to stop looking around the house for him when  I come over to visit, and it will definitely be different in the kitchen at dinner time when we drop something, we might just have to pick it up off the floor!! He was a great dog and he lived like a King in the Vosicky household.

Mommy Kimmy :-)

I can't begin to talk about my mom without getting tear's in my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!! She to me is my hero. She is the most amazing women that I know and will ever know for sure. How to do you thank someone that brought you life, that raised you, loved you when you didnt deserve it, that cryed with you and even gave you a swift smack up-side the head when needed..........how do thank them for that?

As many of you know, my mom has been through the fire. She has fought the battles and through it all has had a smile on her face, willing to serve someone else in need regardless of how sick she was at the moment. I can say with a smile on my face that my mom has one of the biggest hearts, she is a true servent. As I get older and start to appreciate things in life that I never did before, I'm starting to really appreciate all that my mom has done and continues to do for me.
I'm sure if you were to ask Kim, how many times I call / called crying to her and she just sat and listened and then gave her motherly advice, she would say that I called about 100 to many times!

I always say that when I become a mother, that the only thing I would ask for is to be 1/ 1 millionth of what my mom was to my brothers and I. I have a pretty amazing mother that is my best friend and will always be that.

She is the person that knows me through and through and can tell me how it is without any fluff to it. She's the real deal, and gives it as it is suppose to be given.

Thank You mom for everything that you do for me. There are never going to be enough words for me to thank you enough for what you do. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have a mother like you !

A Date to a Wedding !!!

Well, last Saturday I did something that I have never done before....I became a date to a wedding!!! As you can see, I went with a good friend of mine, Paul, who was a groomsman!!! It was a beautiful wedding at Springhill College and a wonderful reception at Magnolia Manor on Springhill Ave. I had a wonderful time :) Since I'm not really one for the wedding scene maybe I will start going to more, since I believe in my 20 years of life, that would be my 4th wedding to ever attend.

So,I guess having guy friends that are single really does come in handy....it gave me an excuess to get dresses up !

My T.V. Segment!

Alright, I have decided through such both joy and disgust to write a blog referring to two of my favorite shows on T.V!

Jon & Kate: Plus 8

The Biggest Looser

Lets start with Jon and Kate. There is no doubt that you haven't heard about the huge scandal that is going on between them. There are rumors that Jon (32-year-old father of 8 children) is having or had an affair with a 23-year-old teacher. Then the media comes out and backlashes Kate (34-year-old mother of 8 children) that she had an affair with the families bodyguard. It's turned into some disgusting and just plain ole' wrong.

I have fallen in love with that show and the family. They have such strong morals and Christian belief's (a prime example that we all stumble). But, its really sad to see a marriage fall apart in the media's eyes.

I'm an avid reader of people.com, everyday many times a day. And this morning there was an article about Kate (it will be on the cover of this Friday's issue) and how she is publicly speaking about her and Jon's marriage problems. How they both have been struggling for some time and she wouldn't be surprised if it did end in divorce. That's a really sad thing to see happen.

But I have come to a conclusion. Our world is so corrupt. I feel that both Jon and Kate got caught up in the hoop-la of being famous, they got caught up of the free gifts, the free trips, the nice fath six figure paycheck, the big house, and here they are know realizing what they both collectively did as partners to their marriage. They put their careers before themselves and through what I have seen and read, that is why divorced happen. It's a sad situation, and I sometimes wish that the media would just leave them along, let them figure this out on their own, because its hard as it is and I'm sure having the camera in your face 24/7 dosent help the situation much.

Although, I have been interested in this case, since my major at USA is Public Relations, and this is a huge PR ploy. I'm taking notes!!!

Moving on to my second show that I absolutely love. The Biggest Looser!!!

Last night was the LIVE finally. All I have to say is that show is the most motivating show in the world. It's amazing to watch people drop hundreds of pounds and become a new person, literally. The winner last night was a 47-year-old woman who lost an amazing 140 pounds!!! That's like losing me!!! Although she wasn't the one who I was rooting for, Mike was a 19-year old guy that lost an amazing 207 pounds!!! It's hard to believe that someone can lose that amount of weight. But he looked amazing.

It for sure motivates me to lose the 10 pounds that I have packed on during my 3 years in college, not bad since one of my good friends has packed on a mere 30!!!

Emma and I both have decided that this summer, we are going to get in shape. We are going to start having cooking parties, eating healthy, working out daily (taking work-out classes at the Rec Center on Campus, and using the gym that our apartment has!) There is no time like the present to get into shape and start living a good and healthy life.

I have always had a dream to one day be able to run a marathon. To be able to run those miles and kick butt. That might take years until I reach that goal, but I do know that I plan on doing that!!!

So, that's my little breather for the moment about how sad it is to see a family fall apart because of the media and how amazing and joyful it is to see individuals start their life over by losing weight!!!

Why is He so good to me?

Boy, have I been through it these past couple weeks.

God, is here! He is good, and just, and perfect, and loving, and has sooo much Grace for me. I'm amazed at how wonderful he is, how he takes care of me, how he fulfills the desires of my heart without me even knowing.

So, why is He so good to me?

I for sure don't deserve it.

This is the question that I'm battling with right now. Who am I for him to call me by name?

For so long, I have doubted his love and mercy. I have doubted how faithful he is to me, how he leads me through the valleys of life, and I have doubted his existence in my life.

This past year, has been a growing experience. I have learned so much both personally, emotionally, and spiritually.

He had brought people into my life that have helped me through this journey. He has let me be a light to someone who needed it, and he uses me every single day as a servant for him to bring more people into his Kingdom.

I still ask, so why did he chose me? I'm a sinner, I'm dirty, I'm mean, and at times heartless and I don't deserve eternal life....but he chose me....he called ME by name and I am one of his sheep.

A battle that I have struggled with for a while is the church. I feel that the church is a broken house. I have seen evil in leaders in a church and I have seen people talk hurtful things about wonderful families and individuals. I was disgusted with what a church really was, but the Lord has called me back to the church. It still hurts to walk into a church and it takes baby steps- one at a time to do so.

But, I have the support of my parents that is amazing. I have the love of people that only want to see me fall in Love with the Lord every single day.

I'm inspired by my Dad recently he has developed a stronger relationship with the Lord. When I speak to him about things that are going on in my life, he points me to the Lord. First off, that wasn't Joe a year ago and second off, its an amazing and wonderful and beautiful thing to have parents that point you tot he Lord for all your answers. There advice only goes so far!

So, as this semester winds down, as I start to study for finals....I see Gods grace in every situation. I see him working in my life, changing me, molding me and preparing me for what lies ahead.

I may never know why he chose me....and I may never know why he is so good to me, but I do know that he loves me, he died for me and leads me through a life that has valleys and mountains but that's his love.

I pray that I can walk for the Lord and the Lord alone, that I can be light to those that need it and an example of grace to those in need.

Maybe that's why Kim and Joe named me Molly Grace!?

EASTER

Grandma Losi (can you see Joe in her) and myself!!

My best friend Krista from school came to celebrate the day with us. The family loved her, and she loved the family....I prepaired her for it becuase it is overwhelming at times.

The VOSICKY'S!!!

It was a wondeful Easter, spent with friends and family!

Farewell County General!

14 years!!!

It's hard to believe that someone can stay faithful and watch a television show for 14 years....15 seasons!!! Well, the Vosicky household stays faithful to those shows on t.v that impact them, and we did just that for our beloved E.R!!!



But, Thursday was a sad day, when E.R and County General said good-bye.



It's hard to believe that on Thursday night we will no longer see, Dr. Moris, Dr. Gates, and Nurse Sam....the laughter the tears and the memories are all we have left of this show that really was the staple of Thursday Nights at the Vosicky house.



I remember as a kid, getting to stay up late to watch it. I remember when Dr. Ross, the beautiful Geroge Cloony was part of the cast....this show launched his career, which has made him one of the most beloved actors in Hollywood, and he had E.R to thank for that.

I know that it seems stupid that I'm saying "Thank You" to a t.v show, but there where many Thursday nights when I turned the t.v off and cryed because of just how impactful that nights episode was. E.R was a show that the Vosicky's will never forget, because it was our show.

Emily Smith (BFF) even said the other day that she knew not to call on Thursday nights after 9 because we were going to be watching E.R. I laughed so hard because even my best friend knew just how important this show was to us. :)

So, farewell E.R. and your 15 seasons and 14 years on NBC. Thank you for a wonderful ride and bringing the Vosicky clan around the tv on Thursday nights to wait patiently to see what was going to be thrown at us next, it was well worth it and fun.

Time to Say Farewell

Well, I can officialy say that I am jobless. Yes, but on my own accord, thank the Lord. Last Friday I painfully decided to quiet Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm sure your wondering, why? Well, I'm still wondering that myself, but I think what it all boils down to is the simple fact that, I was not taking care of myself, I was unhealthy and it was affecting every aspect of my life, and the most important thing was suffering and that is school.

If you havent figured out already, I am a ALL or NOTHING person. I have always been the person to give you everything and forget about the other things in life that need attention. Well, work was getting my "everything" and school was suffering, and with 6 weeks left in the semester I had to cut the ties with the job.

Although, I have learned so much while working at BWW, more than I ever thought possible. I have learned that an education is so very important and that it's worth fighting to get one, because being a life-long server is a really depressing job. I've been exposed to so many things, some of which I would rather not have been exposed to, but those are the things that make you really see what you want in life, and I really saw what I wanted....I might have had to stumble to get to see it, but I see it.

So, since I don't have a job, my time is now being spent getting better and beefing up in school.

I've had one of the hardest couple weeks of my entire life and the week before Spring Break, I was just about ready to throw the towel in and check out. I'm not one to balance well. I don't deal with stress at all and when balance and stress collide, it's a deadly combo for me. I deisre so bad to one day be able to handle those two things because they are made to intertwine into our lives, but as of right now I'm learning the hard way.

Recently, with all that has been going on, I have been thinking of the things that my life has throw at me, the things that I have to walk through and the situations that I have been in and how they have shaped me into being the woman I am today. I have one of the best mothers in the world, someone who is upfront and honest with me, when no one else is. She tells me how it is and I may be crying in the moment and just want her to confort me and say that 'everything is going to be ok' she is the first ot say, 'tough shit, Molly, this is life!' Yes, that's Kim for ya, but I see where I get my attitude from. Mom tells me things that doctors tip-toe around, she tells me things that hurt, but they are said because I sometimes live in a world where I don't deal with this illness everyday and a world where I'm just fine nad always will be. She brings me back down to earth and shows me that NO I'm not fine and that the things that I wish for, may not ever happen because of the cirucmstances I have.

So, let's cut to the chase and just spill the beans here. Please pray for the coming weeks, as I am going to meet with a new doctor about some new treatments that might help me and make me a more balanced, lively, happier person. Please pray that when the moment comes again for me to give up, that I somehow muster the strength to get through it and not give up (even though it is the easy thing at the time to do). I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord is good, even though I havent stepped foot into a church since December 24, 2008! Yes, why should I be loved? I have no clue, but I do know that the Lord is drawing me closer to him and that one day I will be able to turn to him and see his beauty and see that all the things he allowed me to walk through was well worth it.

Finding your Place

This week is South's S/B, and the roomie and I took a mini-road trip to the "L.A of the South" the good ole' Atlanta! Now for anyone who has ever lived in a bigger city than 500,000 people, you know that it's a totally different way of life. Well, I LOVE IT! I think that I have always been a city girl at heart, the fast paced life-style, the night life, the people, the shopping, the food, just everything makes me smile and made me want to head back to Mobile and pack up and move!!!

The main reason for our trip was to go and see one of my favorite artists...ADELE!! And as I found out, that her C.D does her no justice what so ever. Her voice is a true gift from above, because throughout the entire show I kept getting chill bumps. And what astonishes me more is that she 20!! My age, and already has won a Grammy, is headline her own tour, and doing what she loves the most in this life....singing :)

So "finding your place" comes in, in the simple fact that its inevitable that I am going to graduate from South and move away from Mobile. I plan on moving away, but it's where I find that place is up in the air. I compair falling in love with a city with high school students going and touring college campuses. It's the same thing, you either love it or you hate it. So, I fell in love with Atlanta. Emma thought it was crazy because I was ok with sitting in traffic, I was ok with the smell at times, and I was ok with the people(let me tell you that large cities are the "melting pot" of every culture).....I love that.

One of Adele's songs that she sings is called "Hometown Glory", it's basically about her hometown, London, but you can relate it to every city.

"Hometown Glory"

I've been walking in the smae way as I did

Missing out the cracks inthe pavement

And tutting my heal and strutting my feet

Is there anything I can do you dear?

Is there anyone I could call?

No and thank you please madame

I ain't lost just wandering

Round my hometown

Memories are fresh

Round my homwtown

Oh the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of this world

Are the wonders now

I like it in the ciy

When the air is so thick and opaque

I lvoe to see everybody in short skirts

shorts and shades

I like it in the city when two worlds collide

You get the people and the governement

Everybody taking different sides

Show'sthat we ain't gonna stant shit

Shows that we are united

Shows that we ain't gonna take it

Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit

Show that we are united

Round my hometown

Memories are fresh

Round my hometwon

On the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of my world

Are the wonders of this world

Are the wonders of my world.

I'm going to that "place" and when I move there it's going to be full of exciting things and this trip has made me want to get back and kick butt in school, so I can one day be in that city of lights, of excitement, of dreams, and of new people to meet. Because, one thing that I have found out, is that this life is way to short to NOT do the things you want. If you want it, go and get it!

The journey we must take

I sometimes wish that life came with a handbook, that had all the insturctions on how to deal with situations. But the more I think about that, the more I think that, that would be like playing God. So, that's no good.

I can't begin to write at how hard life is for me currently. I'm hurting in so many ways and I don't know where to start in finding out how to deal and heal with the things that have happened.

Let's just say that I don't deal with stress or situations well, and when I am put in a stressful situation I shut down. I literly make myself both mentally sick and physiclly sick. Well I'm in that place right now.

Maybe this is just a fork in the road, where I get to chose what path I take. Or, maybe this is a mini- 20 year old crisis. What ever it is, it needs to end fast because I refuse to live this way. The feeling of being trapped in your own body is so painful and sad. For the past week, all I have done it seems is cry. Is do things that are so out of character for me and really make me hate my life and myself in the end. I have done things that I'm not proud of, I have been to places that are beyond me and as I look back and see what I have done, I shiver with disgust, but cry because I didn't have a clue where i was or what I was doing at the time. My brain and body don't connect, when I'm in a hyper-manic stage....something that I pray no one has to endure. And for those of you who do suffer from 'bipolar disorder' you understand what I'm saying.

But, today I have a new feeling and this is the feeling of overwhelming sadness. This is the feeling of where do I belong in this life. what do I live for? Can I ever be happy and smile and laugh again? All these things run through my head because I desire to be happy, and to laugh until it hurts, but I feel like I don't deserve those things. I feel like I'm suffering because of my sinfulness and I don't deserve to enjoy the beauty of life and all the things that make someone happy.

Yes, I have a wonderful family that loves me dearly, and friends that would bend over backward for me if I needed anythign. But all those things don't fill the gap and hole that is in my life. That gap can't be filled by anyone or anything it has to be filled by me and my own doing. I have to take the leap of faith and learn to deal with situations in life and not turn to other things or people to fill those voids that I have ultimatly created.

I want to be able to feel loved, and to be in a relationship and be carefree and just in general love life. I want to be that girl that has a zest for the small things, the things that make you just want to jump for joy, and I want to be the girl that smiles and makes the entire room light up...because I was that girl at one time and it wasnt that far ago that I was that person. I want to be that person again. I want to be able to go to school and love it, and want to learn and desire to meet new people. I want to be able to see new things with a new set of eyes and not walk with my head down never really seeing what's right infront of me.

It's hard enough being a college studnet and a 20 year old girl, that suffers from being "bipolar." it's hard to get up every morning and put on a facade like no one else can. It gets old and you get to a breaking point where you think to yourself, "what am I doing?"

So, "what am I doing?" Really, what am I doing here, why am I at South, why am I working my ass off and pleasing everyone else and not sitting down and pleasing Molly, why?

To tell you the truth it's killing me, literlly killing me. It sucks being trapped in your own body and having no place to go, and no place to hid you are just there, trapped with nothing to do but wait it out. And like me, I'm on this rollar-coaster and there is no getting off until the ride has ended.

Let's Dance the Night Away!!

Last Saturday (21st) I went to my very frist Mardi Gras ball, MOT or (Mystics of Time)!!! It was so much fun. I think what was so much fun, was getting ready and dancing the night away. I wasn't that excited about going because the guy that I was suppose to go with had an emergency the nigth before and had to go out of town, so I was dateless up until Saturday morning and then Matt came to the resuce!!!! My really good friend Katrina and I went together with our dates and it was so much fun. I think the pictures will describe just how much fun it was:)

(Phillip, Malik, Harrie, Katrina, Matt, Me)

(Let me explain: after the ball the group walked from the Civic Center downtown to Dauphin Street......it was COLD and drizzling and I found a vent that was blowing hot air....well to say the least I was being windblown.....Harrie got a hot-dog and in midbit the picture was taken!!!)

And this is how the night ended!!!

He's Just Not That Into You!

Let me first start off by saying that this movie was my life!!!!

I'm well aware of the phrase "He's just not that into you!"

Of course, I'm the type to withhold information like that, but besides that it's a true statement that I feel awfully close to.

So, last night two of my girlfriends - Sara Lee and Katrina - went and saw the movie. It was really funny, cute and so very true in many scenses. I always like picking out characters in the movie that are closest to me and my life. Well the one closest to me that I picked along with Sara Lee and Katrina was Jennifer Anistons character "Beth."

She is the one that had been in the 7 year relationship, they lived together and she wanted to get married. But at the end she finds that marriage is just a pieace of paper that is signed and that their love for each other is much greater and deeper than most married couples. Basiclly it boils down to, that she wanted something and didnt get her way so dumped him, but then regretted it because she knew that he was perfect and the one for her. I won't give away the ending, but it's a true 'chick-flick' to go see.

So here is my other delema and of course it goes along with the entire movie theme.

My friend Katrina and I wanted to go to the M-O-T Ball this year for Mardi Gras. So we invited two of our guy friends to go with us, not as dates just as guys to go and hang with and have a good time with. So, Harry and Chason were going to be our dates, they had bought thier tickets and everything. Well my friend "date" what ever you want to call him, dropped out. So, I am datelesss!!! So here is the problem, I don't really have any other guy friends that could go on such short notice. It's the 21st so next Saturday!!! So, I really don't want to go now...and it's turning into a big deal with Katrina!!! i feel bad, but i'm kind of over the entire thing. It would be fun, but I don't feel confortable in my dress---since it was my old prom dress some 3 years ago!!! It fits, but not that great and that's never fun to feel like you dont look good.

So what's a girl suppose to do!!?!!?!?!?!

My Heart is Full!Ok,

Ok, since I can't sleep I thought that I would resort to spilling my heart out. Of course, there really isn't much to spill but there are a few things that are weighing down on me that I need to get off. '

A) Where did I go wrong?

I had such a wonderful relationship with the Lord up until right before Christmas. I hate to say it, but the last time I stepped foot in a church to worship the Lord was on Christmas Eve. That's pathetic, almost 2 months of not even looking toward the Lord and seeking him. There are times when I want to draw close to him and I see other people and how much they love and adore the Lord, how much they have spent their daily lives living for him. I am just to selfish! I am sure as you read this you will think "Gosh, Molly no need to be so blunt." Well, its the truth. I love the Lord, he has saved me from my sin even though at this very moment I should be tossed into the firey pitts of hell, he has raised me up and called me by name! How is that fair? I am sure there is someone else out there that deserves this more than I do? Right? Why can't I have a deep loving yearning relationship with the Lord, why can't I draw near to him every morning and every night, why is it so hard for me to say a quick prayer on the bus to class in the morning???? WHY? WHY? WHY? I think what it is, is that it's me. I have to make the choice to start living my life the way it would be pleasing to the Lord.

I think what I am waiting to happen is for something ot go major wrong in my life and for me to really just turn it all over to him nad say here you go, I can't live the life I was living.

How do I even turn to the Lord, I almost feel ashamed turning to him and seeking him and asking for him to guide me? Why would he want to after what I have done to him?!

50 Things You Didn't Know About Me!

I'm going to do a fun post today.........so I thought that I would list 50 things that you didn't know about me!! Some are pretty interesting, so be prepaired :)

1. My full name is : Molly Grace Vosicky

2. I was born in Laguna Beach, California!!! The real OC baby!

3. am addicted to Watermelon

4. Grew up in Wisconsin, hence the reason I have somewhat of a Northern accent

5. Am terrified of snakes

6. Was home-schooled for 2 years

7. Was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was a Freshman in high school.

8. Like to control things

9. Shoes are my drug of choice

10. Shopping is my pain-killer of choice

11. Have only been kissed two times in my life ( my first kiss happened when I was 19 at the Iron Bowl in Auburn)

12. I drive a VW Bug "Lucy" (blurple-the color / a mixture of blue and purple)

13. A waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings

14. Have two best friends (Emily Smith & Libby Allen)

15. Have never had a boyfriend

16. Plan on going to graduate school after I graduate from University of South Alabama.

17. Would love to one day work for a non-profit organization

18. Like ot paint

19. Was hit in the head by the end of a hammer when I was 7, by no other than my older brother Alex.

20. As a kid, I liked to lick the sinder block walls of our basement.

21. Became a believer when I was 16

22. Mani/Pedi's are my weakness (and will spend the money to go and get them done on a

regular basis)

23. Would love to marry one day, but not have children until later in life.

24. Want to adopt as many children as I can.

25. I was asked to appear on the Oprah show in September 2007 (an episode speaking about Bipolar disorder, I declined because I wasn't ready to open up to the world about it).

26. Have an attitude that makes me come off as a "bitch" at times, but I promise it takes me a second to warm up to you.

27. I don't need any help, I can do it on my own. (I can change a tire, put air in my tires, ext)

28. Have the highest standards for guys......that could be another day.

29. Love being outdoors

30. Love the beach, but hate the sand!

31. Get motion sickness.....airplane, back seat of a car, boats.

32. Yes, I own a pair of UGG boots---the things that should have gone out of style before they even came into style!

33. Am the only girl, and have two of the coolest most amazing brothers in the world.

34. Kim and Joe are my parents (and spoil me to the core)

35. Am a magazine freak....I buy one everytime I enter a store.

36. Love to paint

37. Lip gloss makes me smile :)

38. My favorite band is "Kings of Leon"

39. Was a 10 lb 6 oz baby!

40. Sometimes just get in my car and drive......to nowhere, just drive!

41. Love smelling the rain.

42. I take a nap everyday

43. My favorite flowers are tulips!!! I'm still waiting to have someone send me a bundle of them.

44. Am a hopeless romantic!

45. I cry when I see an older person or a special needs person ( =I guess I have a big heart)!

46. Own over 40 pair of underwear!

47. My closet is color cordinated and all my shoes are kept in there boxes.

48. Can't wait to fall in love

49. I'm still searching for the thing that I need to live my life for.

50. I have broken my arm from falling out of a tree!

I hope you can laugh at most of these, because these 50 things makeup who I am!!!

It's Been a While!

Hi Everyone!!!

Yes, I am still alive and doing well. As you can see I found a new hair "statement!" Of course, there was not planning in getting my hair cut this way, it just ended up this way and I rolled with it. It seems to be a hit, and I think it works ( a cute cut for the spirng)!

So, let me catch up on my life, since my last post which was almost 2 months ago.

NOT MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!

Really, I ended last semester with some 'great' grades. I was very proud of myself for buckling down like I did and finishing the semester off with the grades I did.

The holidays were very low-key and enjoyable. I have found that as you grow older, you value sharing moments with your family that are funny and memorable rather than recieve hundreds of gifts. Don't get me wrong, I do LOVE my new Coach purse that I got, but it was just something that I have been observing.

This should make you laugh.....I spent New Year's Eve by myself in my apartment, in my PJ's eating pretzels!!! YES, you read it right...I rang in 2009 without my friends or family, no drink, no midnight kiss, just me myself nad I!!! That is a moment that will go down in the books as "lamest thing I have ever done!"

What has been happeneing around here currently is pretty basic. I am taking 13 hours this semester and the reason why, is so I can keep a good GPA, I am shooting for 3.5 but I would settle for a 3.0.

So between school and working as a server at Buffalo Wild Wings, I really don't have much time for anything else. I have made some really good friends through work, and have really enjoyed hanging out with them. Although, I think working at BWW has been th ebest thing for me, becaue I now have a view of what my life could be like if I don't get a college degree of some sort. There are young people that, this is their income...tip's are their income. Where tips' buy me the things I need in life like: shoes, clothes, mani/pedi's, makeup, gas and food. As you can see my priotiries have gotten a little backward, but a girl's got to look good.

I wish that I had the energy to write stories about what has happened to me while working in the resturant business!!! There is no doubt in my mind that if you were to get a group of servers from all different types of sit down resturants, you would pee your pants from laughing so hard with all the funny stuff that goes on. I sometimes have to call mom just to tell her something because she will laugh, since she most likely had been in that exact situation!!!

There still is no boyfriend (although I do hangout with them and talk with them....big step), I have more friends (if you define a friend, as someone you text and go to lunch with), so I guess I have been doing pretty well for myself.

I pat myself on the back, because for the past 2 months, I have been buying everything myself with the money that I make. The only thing that Mom and Dad pay for is rent, college, insurance, and cell phone...everything else is on me.

Since it's rolling in o n 3AM and I have to be at work at 10AM, I better get to bed. I promise that I will start posting at least once a wekk. Because, believe me there is alot on my heart that needs to be let out, but there just isnt enough time to do it all.